I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
