its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
