I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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