I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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