I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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