I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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