My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i would punch a child for taco bell
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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