eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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