I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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