mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
