Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
