Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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