i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
