she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
