you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
