If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
