He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
