She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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