she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize