Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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