in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
