i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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