i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
