Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
we should paint friendship bongs
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