I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
