We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize