When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
