nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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