When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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