This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
