Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
