4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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