The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
