Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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