I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
