I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i can't believe i had my finger in that
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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