is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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