eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
