Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm too high and old for this...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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