you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
