After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is wine microwaveable?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
