oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
a search helicopter?!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize