currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
