come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
