Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
