My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize