thus making me awesome and them whores
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
