Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
