now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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