It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize