I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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