Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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