I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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