The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
