i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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