I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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