I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
