Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize