Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
