Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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