I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize