it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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