i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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