Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
