On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you had me at cake vodka
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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