I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
