My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
