don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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