Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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