I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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