I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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