I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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