I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I party with great urgency now.
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