Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
