The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
