Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
