i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
