So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize