She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
