Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
