this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
