There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I intend to get homeless drunk
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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