I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
