You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
