If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
