what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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