he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize