Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
