i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
