2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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