It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
