i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
