no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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