so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
