You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
