First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
